Here’s a topic to just put out in cyber-space; Self-Destruction. I find myself at times quite self-destructive in my day-to-day. What is self-destruction? How does Webster define it?

Self-destruction
Self`-de*struc”tion\, n. The destruction of one’s self; self-murder; suicide. –Milton.
Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.

But I’m not talking about suicide here. I’m talking about decision-making, behavior, actions, cause and result. Doing, saying, thinking, or all of the above, and it leading you further down the path of self-destruction. Again, this brings us back to what self-destruction is. It seems to me that there are several variables that must be considered in order to determine one’s level of self-destruction.

• Do I believe in God or a higher power?
• If not, where do I inherit my moral compass?
• Do I have a moral compass?
• If so, what is it that is compromising my direction?
• Do I want to get better, or do I choose to self-destruct?

I think this is a good list to get one started on the journey of trying to figure out if you are indeed on a path of self-destruction. Allow me to approach each question one at a time.

1. Do I believe in God or a higher power?
   I personally believe, based on my biblical background, that we are all inherently evil. At our core we are rotten and corrupt. Think about it, in theory, there really is no selfless deed that can actually be done by a human being. If you do something nice for someone, like say, pay for a total stranger’s groceries, then you walk away “feeling good about yourself.” Right? Now be honest with yourself here and really dig deep. Because, yes, I believe I should be going about doing good deeds for people. In fact, I have made it a habit in the past to simply walk up to someone in line at the grocery store and just swipe my card for them and ask for nothing in return. But do I really walk away with nothing…at all? No. I walk away with a sense of goodwill, knowing that what I did possibly really helped someone. The only human being that ever lived that did something COMPLETELY selfless was Jesus Christ. If you are a Christian then you recognize his willful act of taking on the cross and all that it entailed, including death, as the ultimate gift or sign of selfless affection. Now, if you are not a Christian, than I just assume you’re in the “I’m not sure what I believe mode.” or you simply think Jesus was a wack job that created a 2000 year old spirtual movement/revolution and did it all because he was nuts. Point of this paragraph being, I lack the personal capacity to do something completely and 100% selfless.

   Now, to get back on this particular question’s topic, if you do believe in God, and what’s more, you choose to live by his commandments then you have a wonderful starting point for figuring some things out. Compare your behavior/actions against exactly what it is His commandments state and you can probably get a pretty decent feel for where you’re level of self-destruction is at.

2. If I don’t believe in God, where do I inherit my moral compass from?
   Good question. When you have figured that out or at least think you have an explanation then please leave me a comment or contact me.
3. Do I have a moral compass?
   I feel if you cross-reference the last two questions you might possibly find a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to this question. This would be ideal for scooting along to discover your level of self-destruction. However, if you’re stuck in the “I’m not sure” category then ask yourself a few things: 1) Do I think it is okay or wrong to murder someone?, 2) Do I think it is okay or wrong to lie?, 3) Do I think it’s okay or wrong to steal?. Now these are just some basic, core questions one can ask them self to determine at least where the needle is pointing on their “moral compass”. If you answered that it’s okay to any or all three of these questions then you’re definitely on your way to rock bottom. But if you answered that you think any or all of these are wrong then it’s time to figure out if you’re applying your logic of such things. And remember, these aren’t the only questions, just good starter questions to get your brain working.
4. If I do have a moral compass, what is it that is compromising my direction?
   I sort of answered this in the last few sentences of the last question’s explanation, but let’s delve just for the heck of it. A compass always points north, as you should know if you at least have a fifth grade education level. If you know this, then you also know that this is how you determine which is east, west, and south. A compass works off of the north and south pole’s magnetic fields. If my compass isn’t working because the magnet in it is bad then chances are it won’t point north thereby completely throwing off my ability to find east, west, and south. Therefore the magnet’s being broken would be disrupting my ability to find my way around. You could blame the earth’s poles for your being “lost” or “going the wrong way”, but my money would be on the magnet inside the compass.

   I find it fascinating that the needle always points north. Because in the Judeo-Christian belief system Heaven is always thought to be above, or up. To get a little spiritual here, it seems that as long as one’s moral compass is always pointing to God then one can always find there way; knowing not only where to go, but also where to avoid. So I suppose the solution I have for this question is to figure out what’s broken in your compass. The magnet’s lost it’s magnetism (or never had it to begin with), so what’s the answer? Maybe try getting a new magnet.

5. Do I want to get better, or do I choose to self-destruct?
   This question probably comes across a bit philosophical. Really, I find myself in an interesting place personally. Yes, I can honestly say I choose to self-destruct. Now, inside me, in my soul or inner being do I want to get better? Well, I want to want to get better, if that makes sense. This points a dotted line back to the last question. If I want to get better, or in my case, want to want to get better, then I have to answer the previous question. I can’t tell you what your personal answer is, I can only know myself. And hey, maybe that’s a big part of being pro-active about solving your self destruction is knowing yourself. That is, admitting that you’re not a good person. You’re not perfect and you can’t be…without help from a higher power. This of course makes a bold line back to question one.

Wow, some interesting commentary straight from my twisted line of thinking. Do I loathe myself, or do I love myself? What do I loath and/or love about myself. If I love myself then am I selfish for doing so? If I loathe myself what can I do to not anymore? Is there middle ground? Hmm. Certainly some things to ponder.

I know many would disagree with me, but I think there are benefits to both; sort of. Clearly, not being on a path of self-destruction is probably the best way to live so as not to hurt others around you. You may try to convince yourself that your problems are your problems, but truth be told, your behavior and actions directly or indirectly affect the ones around you. Whether it’s your spouse, family, friends, or co-workers, your ‘mood’, and idiosyncratic ways will just as much actuate others around you as well as yourself.

On the flip-side, and on a completely selfish level, hitting rock bottom can be enlightening. It’s kind of that Fight Club mentality of, “It’s only when we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” Those words couldn’t be more true. A man with nothing to lose is a dangerous individual, but the argument could be made that he’s also a free individual. What are things you could lose? Stuff I suppose. Material possessions like cars, electronics, music, dvds, and so on are great things to lose. Other things that are not so great to lose would be friendships, marriages, relationships in general, sanity, etc. Consider this, in Mark 10:21 (in the Bible under the New Testament) Jesus said to a rich young ruler looking to follow Him,

“Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

If you aren’t privy to the rest of the story, the rich man became saddened because he had great wealth. Money just can’t buy happiness, it buys emptiness. I’ll be the first to admit that I have tried, and still do, to fill the empty void inside me with “stuff”. It never works. In my opinion it works much the way food does, or even sex. You get hungry and eat to fill your stomach. But you eventually empty out and get hungry again. Sex. You want sex, you get it, and then you want it again. You’re never content with the ‘one time’. This is what ’stuff’ does. You buy something and at that moment it’s exactly you what you want, and then you find something else you want and that thing you just bought becomes null and void. Perhaps you can see a theme occuring throughout the entirety of this blog. There really is no such thing as happiness. Happiness is just based on what’s ‘happening’ at the moment.

Joy: a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight. This is the real answer. So what is the source or the cause of REAL joy? Read the Bible and you may discover what you’ve been looking for. I’m almost positive that those who know me could never accuse me of being a “holy roller”, but truth is truth. And I don’t mean what truth is to you. I mean what TRUTH really is from the paradigm of something bigger than yourself.