I can’t say that I hate myself,
Because what is ‘hate’?
A state of the heart,
Or a state of the brain?
[Neither, You are dealing with your Spirit (The intellect of your Soul) and the Flesh (The cares of this world and fleshly lusts) Which do you want controlling you? If you want relief you have to make a choice.]

Right now my heart is a mess
I have so many troubles
So many sins to confess
[So confess them, Our Father is abundant in His Grace (His Grace is sufficient) but be sure you're ready to give those sins up. Ask for His help. You must stand (gird up your loins) and the Lord will stand with you. The troubles/tests come with this life. We are just sojourners here right now. This is just a short time to endure. Just as it says in James, "count it all Joy when you fall into various temptations; knowing, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. In the context of the whole of God's Word this means as you experience the various tests which are common to ALL men during this age or period of time, that you should be JOYFULL because this is the testing of your patience (endurance or how much you can bear) in order for your perfection(maturity) to increase. The scripture says He will never give you more than you can handle and He'll always give you a way out. It's just like parenting. If a dad really loves his children he will not just give them everything they want. You would just get a spoiled little child that never matures. Instead a loving father would not only provide blessing but also correction/chastisement etc.. to build the character/maturity of that child. That's how much our Heavenly Father loves us. It's amazing..]

And my mind is twisted
Full of thoughts and unrest
I think of all the things I’ve cursed
And nothing I’ve blessed
[Don't think on these things. Think on the Good things of God. Get into a deeper study of the Word of God. Not what you've learned from Men but by a deeper chapter by chapter and verse by verse study. You'd be suprised at how much Man has twisted God's Word. You have to dump all the traditions of men that have influenced you over the years and let God's Word speak to you by the Holy Spirit. Our Father wants you to know what He thinks, and not what some other Man thinks about what He thinks. Our Father is not the author of confusion, so If your confused (mind is twisted) it's by man's traditions/bad doctrine/untruths etc.. The Truth will set you free, not bind you.]

What do I do?
What do I say?
How do I pay
For all the things I’ve done?
[Strengthen your Faith by Our Father's Word. Did you know that the "Word" is Jesus Christ? He is the Living Word. Not just parts of the Word but the whole Word. He came in the Volume of the Book, the entire contents. Our Father gives everyone a little Faith to start out with but it's up to us to make the choice to study his Word. (which builds our Faith by teaching us His Word is true) Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. *You need Repentance*. If you've turned away from doing those things you've done (sin), the Lord will Forgive them by the Blood of Jesus Christ. His blood sacrifice is sufficient to cover all your sin. But don't keep doing the same things over and over. That's crucifying to yourself the Son of God afresh. The scripture says For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins. That's not to say you won't slip up occasionaly, but that you have to decide what's more important - your eternity with our Father and your brethren or the temporary worldy pleasures. Humble yourself before the Lord physically and mentally. Everyone struggles with sin but you have to once again make the decision to stand up against your flesh. Why do you think the Lord required Fasting & Prayer? The Fasting is a physical act of controlling the flesh while Prayer is connecting with our Heavenly Father which builds up our Spiritual man and helps us to Control our flesh.]

This isn’t new
Not today
Do I find a way to make this fun?
[Fellowship with likeminded believers makes it fun. Sometimes it's hard to find those, but be patient as the Lord is Good and will give you everything you need. You have to make the effort though, you can't let work or other things of this world control your time. Not to say work isn't good, it is, but it shouldn't take the place of your family.]

It’s not self-loathing
This is a reckoning of the heart
Where it has split down the middle
And become two parts
[A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. If you lack wisdom ask God humbly and He will give it to you, but you have to ask in Faith nothing wavering.]

I can’t say that I hate myself,
Because I don’t know who I am
Never really trying to be myself
But somebody else instead
[Typical results from man's doctrine/traditions. You are a son of God. Read Job 38 verses #1 thru #7. The morning stars - (Jesus the True Morning Star) (Lucifer the Fake Morning Star). The sons of God - you and me.. The Lord made us all different and that's the way He wanted it. Jesus taught many times to not be a hypocrite (play actor). Trying to be something you are not, or saying one thing and doing another etc.. Our Heavenly Father wants our love and obedience but the world glorifies hypocrisy. The Lord wants us to be ourselves but at the same time our character must grow in righteousness because our Heavenly Father is Righteous and Holy. How do we learn righteousness? By His Word. Jesus Christ.

What a lonely trip sometimes
Even surrounded by those who love me
The loneliness tightens its grip
A vice that keeps me from being free
[As a child of God you are Never alone, our Heavenly Father sent His Holy Spirit the Comforter for us. Turn your face toward God and call on the name of the Lord and He will answer. That means Truly seek after Him and He will respond.]

What do I depend on?
Who do I depend on?
[The Word of God. Our Heavenly Father. Both are as One as we are One with him in the body of Christ.]

My state of existence
Disgusts even me on occasion
My speech full of anger and doubt
It leaves deep wounds and abrasions
[The scripture says let every man be swift to Hear, slow to Speak, slow to Wrath: for the Wrath of man worketh not the Righteousness of God. You need to receive with humbleness the engrafted Word of God.]

What is wrong with me?
What compels a seemingly normal person
To commit acts of random stupidity
When it makes the situation worsen
[Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Don't let the flesh (natural man) control your actions. Build up your Spiritual man with the Word of our Lord.]

You know who and what does love me
My dogs
Without judgement
Without reciprocation.
[Don't mistake natural affection with true love. Our Father truly loves you and all of His true children love you without judgement or reciprocation. Jesus said, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends if ye do whatsoever I command you. And Jesus did give his life on the cross. Our Father sacrificed His Only Begotton Son because He loved us.
I love all of my Brothers in the same way, would I sacrifice my life for You or any of my brothers? Yes, without question. Will your dogs do that? Maybe, maybe not? There's nothing wrong with loving animals but they can't take the place of your brethren and Holy Father.]

I don’t do the right thing when I should
I never follow the leader
I want but I don’t
I try to feel but it won’t
I don’t know myself
I’ve wronged myself
All I care about is myself
I don’t like myself
I pity myself
I can’t stand myself
[No one does the right thing all the time but if you love the Lord you will follow his commandments. Do you truly Love the Lord? Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven before you follow any leader (man). If you're following man's traditions this is keeping you from our Father. The scripture says the traditions of men make VOID the Word of God. Seek the Lord, study His Word Deeper, start Fasting and Praying, Pray for Wisdom and Knowledge to understand His Word. If you don't have the Hope of Salvation, Repent and receive the Hope by His Holy Spirit (Read the Gospels), then do these things. As you do these things, you will receive the Peace that passeth all understanding. The natural man will gradually fall away and the Spiritual man will take over.]

But I can’t say that I hate myself.
[The Lord loves you and your brethren love you.]

Daniel,
I don’t speak a whole lot, but the Holy Spirit prompted me to respond to your writing. I tried to not be long winded or give a lecture and hope you receive this as a help and not criticism. You may not have even expected or intended for there to be any responses but sometimes the Lord works in ways we don’t expect. I’ll be praying for you..

I pray blessings on you and your family (your dogs too),
In Christ,
Randolph